Just a thought that has been in my head the last little while… Actually several little thoughts…

So many songs, sermons, and stories have been based on the prodigal son. In fact, I was just listening to the song on the radio, He Still Calls Me Son. I think that the story of the Prodigal Son is one of the most hopeful and encouraging stories in Scripture. But, as I thought about the story, I realized that we often overlook the most crucial component of the story. We obviously think about the stupid, squandering son. We usually think about the cranky, unforgiving son. I have even thought about the fatted calf that was sacrificed for the homecoming meal! But I rarely gave more than a passing thought to the most fascinating character in the story, the father.

Think about how disappointing it must have been for the father to see his son making unwise choices. Think about the hurt he must have felt when his son tossed away his father’s hopes and plans and dreams for him and embraced a life of greed and sin?                                                                                                                                                                            Think about how worried the father must have been while his son was living in sin and destroying all that the father had tried to instill in him. Did the father ever get word about where the son was and what he was doing? How many sleepless nights did the father endure? What transpired between the father and the older son? We know that the older son eventually became bitter, but why? Was Big Brother haunted by the shadow that was left of his grieving father? Or did he think that the father loved the brother more? Was his resentful attitude really a mask for his own hurt and concern for his brother? Was it just self-righteousness?

But the thought that has been the most intriguing to me was the fact that he saw his son from afar. Just think about what the means for a minute.

To be able to see his wayward son from afar means that he had to be watching. Not casually watching. More like keeping a vigil. Always watching. Like eye-straining, squinting into the sun, desperate searching. Did the father have a rocking chair on the porch? A seat facing the road? Just for watching?

The fact that he was always watching also has meaning. He had to be ready to forgive. A parent who is unwilling to forgive would not be on a constant watch. He had to have the faith that the Lord would restore the fractured relationship. He had to believe that God would change his wayward son’s heart.

It is also interesting to note that the father ran to the son. He didn’t decide to forgive the son only after he had made an apology for his wretched behavior. Instead, he didn’t let the son get a word in until he forgave and welcomed him home.

I can always relate to the wayward son. How many times have I found myself slopping around in the pigpen of sin? How often I find myself trudging back home knowing that I have utterly disgraced my father and my family by chasing after the trivial things of the world…I know a little about being prodigal. It’s not a pretty place to be.

I can, unfortunately, also relate to the older son. How many times do I get angry and frustrated and bitter because it seems that those living in sin have it better than me? How often I turn to self-righteousness and judgment to make myself feel better. I know about that, too. And that is an ugly place to be.

But, sadly, I find it hard to put myself in the father’s shoes. Forgiveness is hard. It is so much easier to shut the door on someone and write them off. What is it like to love someone so much that you can watch them throw their life away, yet run to them and kiss them when they finally come to their senses? I highly value loyalty, but how many times can a heart be broken before it is utterly destroyed?

Apparently, there is a love like this. A love that seems blind to our shortcomings. But, is love really blind? Or is that what makes it love? Isn’t love the ability to see the scars, but act as if they never hurt you? To feel the pain, but continue to treat them with gentleness? To taste the disappointment, but let the choice be theirs in the end? To hear the sound of your heart shattering and quietly pick up the pieces? To forgive, move forward and never look back? To turn the other cheek…To be acutely aware of their flaws, and choosing to accept them as they are, anyway…

It’s easy to treat someone nicely if they were nice to you first. But, is that really love, or is that just being fair?  Perhaps the sacrifice is what makes love the powerful thing that it is. Because love is powerful. It is inhuman and unearthly. It goes against everything within our flesh. True love and its pure power can only genuinely come from our Savior. The power that keeps a father waiting and watching for his child to finally come home.

I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m trudging up the road covered in the pig-slop of sin or a hardened crust of resentment and self-righteousness. I’ll have to remember to raise my hanging head and see my Father running to greet me and cleanse me with his mercy and grace. Again.

~Thoughtfully, Emily

Long time, no blogging...

Life speeds alongs, as usual. I think school accelerates time. I start measuring everything in quarters. And before and after. Before Winter Quarter. After Fall Quarter. Before graduation. You get the drift.

I miss my comfy, little home school...

I recently read a quote that made so much sense, I was confused for a minute. (doesn't that ever happen to you?) I actually liked it so much, I taped it up in my room. (more about the room in a moment)

It said: "Worrying doesn't rid tomorrow of its trouble, it robs today of its strength."

I thought this quite profound. I am prone to be a worrier. Attribute it to slight OCD, or something. I didn't sleep for a week at the end of Spring Quarter because of a major presentation. I thought I might seriously bomb it. Let's all face it: I am a bit of a control-freak. A perfectionist. I am notorious in my house for having melt-downs...I wake up in the middle of the night in panic, thinking that I forgot an assignment or slept through a class. During one class, we discussed what some of the greatest fears of people are. Most people said snakes, spiders, and dying. Spiders? No problem, just stomp 'em. Snakes? Disgusting, but just mow over 'em. Dying? I know where I'm going! Nope. I've got these covered! (I think...)

My greatest fear is myself.

I fear failure. Failing a class. Failing my family. Failing my friends. Failing people that are counting on me. Failing a lost world. Failing my Lord. And I seem to fail all the time. Terribly viscious cycle.

I fear never measuring up. Am I the daughter my parents deserve? Will I be the teacher my students need? Am I the student my teachers expect? Am I the friend that I would want to have? Am I the person I was created to be? Am I showing the world the Christ I know and love?  

I worry over all these things. Does it rid tomorrow of trouble? No. I think it adds to tomorrow's trouble. Does it rob today of strength? *sigh* It does, indeed.

The Lord has been busy with me these last few weeks. Although I don't think that I was at rock-bottom, I could see the end of the rope. Have you ever noticed that when you are at the end, there is only one way to go? Back to the beginning. A complete turn-around.

I knew something had to give. I was failing miserably, and I was certainly not measuring up to the mark. I was made for greater things. I began trying to figure out where I went wrong. As I analyzed my pitiful life, I realized an utter lack of trust in my Lord. I identified what could be called an "Altar Indian Giver". I laid down my burdens at the altar, gave them to God, and picked them back up and carried them with me yet again. Like a backpack, I set them down only to pick them up and burden myself again.

Obviously, my methods have been unsuccessful. I couldn't find out where I lost it. Better question, "Where DIDN'T I lose it?" I need to change, can't change on my own, therefore, I need to call in some back-up. Good thing there's a direct line to the very help I need. I have simply been praying that the Lord would change me wherever and however He sees fit.

He has been so faithful! God uses the little things in life to encourage His children. That always amazes me. Miriam and I are scheduled to sing on the last Sunday in November. Of all the songs in this world, we are singing, "Be Not Afraid". Could this be God's sense of humor???

Every time I have felt worry creeping in, I hear in my head (maybe my heart), "Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you. Be not afraid, I have called you by name. When you go through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the floods, they will not sweep o'er you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be consumed. You are mine. You are precious in my sight."

Also, as mentioned before, my room demanded attention. Even though I am a perfectionist in practically every other area in my life, neatness is not one of my strong qualities. I have lots of stuff crammed into little space. My mom had had enough. Like the mess in my heart, the mess in my room was at the end of its rope. Going against everything inside me, I started cleaning. I took a hard look at everything. And threw a lot away. I realized how much stupid junk I had been hanging on to. Useless objects that took up valuable space and contributed to a greater problem. I would pick up something and think, "I really loved this at one time." But it had no purpose or place now. Trash. After all, you can't take it with you!

Sounds an awful lot like my heart. Sin, the junk of the heart that took up valuable space in my life and contributed to great problems. Sins that I once loved, but had no purpose or place for now. However, I could pitch the paper and plastic junk in the can and watch the garbage man haul it away and know that I would never deal with that same stuff again, but I think the Rumpke man is unqualified to deal with hazardous materials like sin. What is a pack-rat on a frenzied cleaning mission to do?

Does God ever turn a deaf ear to His child crying out for help? Pastor's sermon yesterday provided the answer I was searching for. Mortify your members. Got sin? Crush it, kill it, burn it, starve it, whatever it takes! God is one garbage man that knows exactly how to deal with those particular hazardous materials. Watch Him haul them away. After all, you can't take it with you!

I can't and won't say that I never worry now. Even as I write this in the car on my way to visit a friend at college, in the back of my mind I am wondering what I forgot to pack, wondering if I will be able to get my paper done for class Wednesday, etc...

But I am learning how to trash the junk when I see it.

~Emily

P.S. perhaps I should post a picture of the newly-cleaned room. Some of you have probably never seen what the floor looks like!!!!

She wakes from the Xanga dead!!!!!!!!!

There are so many things I could share, they're just too hard to organize in my head....The Lord has been teaching me, growing me, stretching me, and in His own small but amazing ways, using me.

One of the most exciting things is how much impact VBS has had on Hadley's 4 year old life. He talks about it non-stop. No, I mean non-stop! We sing the Champion Song over and over. At least 79 times a day... He says his verses to me, he talks about the red team, etc. It was like Christmas in August when I showed him the pics on the church website. He talked about the people in each photo.

Isn't it amazing how God takes the tiniest things and uses them in a big way? For example: on Parent's Night, Robin gave me a little New Testament and a children's Bible Storybook for Hadley and Haley to have. My sizzled little brain forgot to take it to their house the next day. I didn't see them for 2 weeks. So, Monday I brought the books with me. Hadley has been carrying them around with him everywhere. He often asks me to read some of his Bible to him. It has blessed my heart to see him so interested in the things of the Lord!!

But, that's not the best part! Last night, Mrs. Purtell called me. She said that she just had to share with me that Hadley's mom, Val, has been reading his Bible with him at night. She always reads to him at night, and that's what he chooses for their reading time. God is using Hadley and his little New Testament to reach Mrs. Jerome with the Word!!!

This has just been such a great source of joy and hope for me. Satan doesn't stand a chance against such an indescribably awesome God!! Please pray that God would continue to work mightily in this family. Pray also that the Purtells and I would show them a clear picture of Christ through our lives, and that Satan would have no part in this critical time.

His ways are higher than our ways; His thoughts are higher than our thoughts...

Hallelujah!!!

Above photo borrowed from Hutch5.

~Happy in the palm of my Maker's hand~

Emily Anne

I'm back and oh, so very blessed. I feel like I have spent the last two weeks just outside of Heaven's gates-as close to glory as possible while still on earth.

Joni and Friends Retreat theme this year was Joy. We were the community of Joyville for two weeks. The awesome thing is- I brought Joyville home with me! I have so many stories about the Lord and His mighty working and moving among His people that you will tire of hearing about them long before they are all told.

Got to work with Jordan again this year during the first week. God moved in amazing ways through the Autism track. We saw our kids doing things that are deemed by the world as "impossible and unheard-of". But, glory! Nothing is impossible for my Lord! We learned just to stand back in awe and watch Him work. To God be ALL the glory, GREAT thinks He hath done.

Can't wait to share my heart with you all. Glad to be back home, even though my heart was at home in Oakwood...

I can't believe that I am still up! I am so exhausted from the last two weeks. God gave this introvert energy I didn't even think possible for me to have.But, I am feeling the wear and tear of my body now. I need to refuel for a very long time..................................................

 Happy in the palm of His hand.

Emily Anne

*Sighhhh*

I feel like I haven't seen or heard from any of you in years......I feel absolutely buried in schoolwork.

ONLY FIVE MORE WEEKS UNTIL SUMMER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a little excited.

Sometimes, when my last ounce of energy is long gone, and the work is far from done, I ask myself again, "Why in the world am I doing this??" And, somewhere deep inside, I am reminded by that sweet, still, small voice: "Because I want you to. My grace is sufficient for thee. Just remember that I love you."

Oh, yeah. That's why.

Just checking.

But, I am still really excited about summer. And really, really, really excited about going to Joni and Friends Retreat in June.

Ok. I have to go now. My little Xanga vacation is over. The schoolwork calls.........

~M

I'm not worthy to stand before my King,

I'm not worthy of Christ who hears my pleas,

I'm not worthy to live the life I lead,

And yet, the Lord has called me family.

I don't deserve the second chance He gave,

I don't deserve to walk  through Heaven's gate,

I don't deserve the very breath I take,

And yet, I'm free because my debts are paid.

I didn't earn the riches I hold dear,

I didn't earn a blackened soul made clear,

I didn't earn the peace that conquers fear,

And yet, He reaches down and pulls me near.

He was too worthy to be born in manger meek,

Undeserving of the abuse that he received,

He didn't earn my place on Calv'ry's tree,

And yet, in love, He did it all for me!

In matchless love, He did it all for me!

A little late for Easter, but I wanted to share some of my joy and gratefulness for my Savior and my King!

He Is Risen, Indeed!!!!